Missing Again

I won't be back on Pirates for a while, and I apologize for that. As I have taken off before without any explanation, I'm going to give one tonight, so here goes:

I wanted to kill myself tonight, and I was going to do it too, and the only thing that stopped me was my best friend. She talked me out of it, and while I'm not emotionally stable at the moment, I'm not having any more suicidal thoughts. The reason behind this, you ask? There have been several arguments in my house tonight, and I've been told by my mother that I am not welcome at the Christmas celebration at my house tonight. My MOTHER told me that SHE did not want me there. This came from an argument between my sister-in-law and me in which she was going to take my nephew and not bring him back for our Christmas celebration b/c she was mad at my brother and wanted to us my nephew as leverage. We yelled at each other and my brother jumped in on my behalf. So, I have ruined Christmas for my family and am not wanted. I can understand their feelings on this, but it still hurts. I haven't stopped crying in almost three hours. The only thing I can think to do is to ask for extra hours at work tomorrow.

What sucks too is that I did all of the cooking tonight to get the food ready for tomorrow, and then they say I'm not welcome. I'm already emotionally drained from only having four hours of sleep in the past forty-eight hours, but to say that I can't even be a part of something that I worked for eight+ hours on is just unbelievable. I don't even get to be there when my nephew opens (or watches as someone opens) his presents. There's nothing for me under the tree anyway, so I guess it doesn't really matter. I tell everyone that I love buying presents for people instead of receiving them (which I truly do), but there's just a bit of a let down when you spend over a hundred dollars on presents for people, and they can't even get you a card in return. I should just take everything back, but I do still love them despite everything that's happened today.

I'm not looking for sympathy from this post, I just want everyone to understand why I won't be online for a while, and also because I really don't have very many people to talk to, and I just wanted to post everything so that I can get it off my chest.

As I'm in a depressed mood, here's the song rec for the day. It's 'Missing' by Evanescence:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaJ1qdTTM0o

Ja ne,

~Jade Stormsilver